everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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