its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
