dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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