I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
