he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
