hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
