god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
