I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Green mimosas i think yes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
