fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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