We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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