They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
