He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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