Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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