my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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