i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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