is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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