I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
