I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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