just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
