I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
