plz talk dirty to me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
