he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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