tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Randomize
