So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is my gift to your gina
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
