im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
