my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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