you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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