even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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