Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
