is your mom at the bar?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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