just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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