ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
