I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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