Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
third nipple confirmed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
