Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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