i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
