fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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