My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
