i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
