Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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