Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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