Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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