I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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