i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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