You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
