I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
