is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
