We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
