Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
