she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Damn victory sex feels great
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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