I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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