Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
