I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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