I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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