it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
