i will never coherently bang her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
