The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
