I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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