SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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