you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
