I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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