Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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