I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
