is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
