We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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