All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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