I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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