drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
