ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
